As I look back over my life it is evident that the Universe has always sought to provide me with my highest good. I so often however was unable to receive it; my value was always in question not by Creation, but by me. Both consciously and subconsciously I questioned my worth sending out negative intention toward myself and attracting back more of the same. I felt victimized by life carrying guilt and blame one on each shoulder like a pair of malevolent twins. The more I blamed past mistakes for the misery of my life the guiltier and more desperate I became.
The bigger victim I became the less my life worked for me.
I was constantly projecting myself into a future that never came always looking for something better never living in the moment never really living. I wasted years being depressed because I refused to take responsibility for my life and appreciate the moment. I couldn’t see the good in my life and be grateful. I was so deeply immersed in my own misery resonating on such a low frequency that the Universe simply could not give me all the good things that I actually deserved.
What I truly desired and what was best for me became contaminated with feelings of depression worthlessness and despair. So no matter what good I desired for myself it forever eluded me because of my negative attitude and emotions. It was only when I began to accept me Lisa to respect and be kind to myself that my life began to change. I had a true awakening when I realized that my attitude had created all my misfortune, and I had the power within me to create better.
I came into this world with both my Parents believing in hardship and lack. No matter how good things were there was always something wrong. One of my Father’s favorite expressions was, “the Monkey is on my Back!” My Father constantly lived in fear of poverty and no matter how much money he generated he was always poor, his pessimistic attitude surrounding money came to him from his parents, and he lived it out until he passed away at the age of 82 completely impoverished. My Father lost everything he ever worked for in a constant drain of bad investments and gambling losses. His belief that he was undeserving set an intention for his life that was so deeply fixed within him he simply could not escape it. My Father with his constant state of feeling unworthy both consciously and unconsciously created a scenario that left him a dependent at the end of his life.
My Mother carried terrible guilt because of her past she constantly suffered physical and emotional pain. Her fear caused her to incessantly seek God outside of herself through the study of one religion or another. My Mothers fear of judgement overshadowed all of her spiritual gifts and gave her an acute sense of being unworthy. God gave my Mother a good life a blessed life. She birthed five healthy beautiful children. She lived in a spacious home which my parents owned. My Father earned well and supplied a continual flow of money she had every reason to be happy, but my Mother’s inability to accept her shadow caused her to suffered acute misery. I never once in my entire childhood ever saw my Mother truly happy or grateful for anything.
I developed and fostered a victim mentality that was passed onto me by my parents. I was indoctrinated to believe the lie that I am separate from source undeserving and unworthy of God’s love. It was only after I learned about the law of attraction that my circumstances began to slowly transform. I had been a victim all my life projecting blame outwardly. It was second nature for me to blame someone else for my suffering. Nothing was in my hands I carried no responsibility. Then one day came the epiphany in actual fact I had done it all to myself. The intensity of that realization was so profound that my way of thinking changed. When my thoughts changed my frequency changed and with that I began to attract a better life.
How you live how you think is a choice
How you live how you think is a choice, the Universe wants one thing, that mankind should live in abundance and well being. Allow yourself to be in the Joy of life and to move in your own divine flow. Above all else live in Gratitude and choose to be Happy.
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