The Power Struggle

How many engagements and weddings take place every year? How many couples pledge themselves to each other promising the gift of Eternal Love then after a short while of being together become trapped in the throngs of a power struggle, a struggle so fearsome they can barely stand the sight of one another. The Honeymoon is over and the illusion of Romantic love has ended. The person who promised to love and cherish you forever has failed you miserably; your forever love becomes tainted with uncertainty, sadness and bitter disappointment. You then find yourself looking at your partner and asking a crucial question for which you have no answer, why did I marry you?

Confusion becomes the order of the day

Couples in marital crisis ask themselves these pivotal questions: who are you really and do I still love you? Confusion becomes the order of the day because nothing has turned out the way you thought it would. The one person you thought was the answer to all your questions suddenly seems to have absolutely no clue or interest in who you are. The one person you thought would understand your emotional needs has no idea what you want or what you need from the relationship. The Altruistic dream of  love ends, feelings of loneliness and abandonment creep in and the illusion of an Everlasting Happiness comes crashing down on two people who now want only one thing, to escape from each other. 

Many couples complicate an already difficult situation by adding children into the mix. In a desperate attempt to fix the problems in their marriage many couples have a baby or another baby. They simply do not understand that all the answers for healing the marriage lie within the two of them, and only, the two of them. These little beings coming into a partnership bring with them blessings, lessons and complications. Children may be little people but what we must never forget is no matter under what circumstances these small guys are born they are mature souls with personality and a purpose for being here. If your marriage as an entity isn’t ready to handle you and your partner with all the complexity you bring into the relationship how can bringing another person into the situation fix anything? Remember the healthiest marriages are challenged when children are brought into the equation. Couples who are thinking that children are a solution for their differences must think again. Little people bring big life changes, and this can cause strain on the most loving of couples.

Romantic love is always based on attraction. The biggie here is what attracted you to your current partner in the first place? They say opposites attract but the real truth is like attracts like. How can it be that two people who loved each other so passionately so completely have actually come to the point of not even liking each other? What is in you that attracted your partner? What is your partner mirroring back to you about yourself that you simply may not want to see?

Firstly it is impossible to have anything or anyone in your life you are not attracting. So when you look at your mate always remember whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, you attracted that person into your life for a very important reason. Understanding that what is in your partner is also in you helps demystify the question “Why am I with you.” I have had clients come to me in desperation seeking answers for their partnership.  “My husband is an alcoholic and hits me” she says. I ask her, “Could it be your Father or step Father was an alcoholic and did he hit your Mother?” Ninety five percent of the time the answer is “Yes”.  “My wife bullies me and has no respect for me. I don’t feel like a man that is why our sex life is bad.”  I then asked him “Was your Mother a bully and did she show your Father no respect?”  Nine times out of ten I get a resounding “Yes!”

Somewhere deep within each of us we are desperately seeking that one person who will magically heal all our childhood wounds and make us whole again. Our subconscious attracts and leads us to the very person it feels will present us with the greatest opportunity to do just that, heal. We attract, interact, partner with and ultimately marry the person most likely to help our unconscious work through our childhood wounds. Dr. Harville Hendricks calls this the Imago Image.  The Collins dictionary definition of imago is; an idealized image of another person, usually a parent, acquired in childhood and carried in the unconscious in later life.

Love and the willingness to change is the key to any transformation especially in love relationships. Attracting the right partner always has to do with who is coming into the relationship, and I am not speaking about your partner I am speaking about you. What you have denied in yourself will always reflect itself back to you through your partner. The capacity to receive love has so much to do with you and how you feel about yourself. Are you worthy enough to receive the love you want?

 The miraculous power of a love attraction between two people is the most creative power on our planet; it ensures our survival.  It is a gift to humanity from God and it is holy in its essence.     

Have a lovely Sunday and God bless you.

This is my continuing series on partnership. I hope you enjoy it and find it meaningful.

Please share your thoughts with me, you can email me by clicking here.