What The Heart Wants

Photo by Narcis Cioca

Have you ever fallen in love with someone that you know is completely bad for you and yet you stubbornly persist in pursuing the relationship no matter what your head says? Are you giving yourself every excuse in the book to be with this person despite warnings from friends and family? Are your emotions so entangled with the idea of this person that it becomes a case of the heart wants what the heart wants and nothing else matters? Well honestly most of us have been there. For better or worse we have fallen in love with someone completely wrong for us and we just refuse see it.

I think the general consensus for most of us is that romantic love can be brutal. Most everyone in this world has fallen in love and been hurt by it. When sexuality enters into a scenario and two people open up to one another the risk of having your heart broken is certainly possible. However my question is are you constantly falling in love with the same person in a different suit of clothes? In other words are you continually attracted to the same type of person over and over again with the same heart breaking results? Have you ever explored the reasons behind this kind of phenomena, or do you just move on to the next one hoping for better?

The indisputable truth is we attract and partner with each other for many reasons….

The indisputable truth is we attract and partner with each other for many reasons, and so often real love has little or nothing to do with it. We are in fact unconsciously searching for our other half some people call this person their soul mate. We are seeking the one person who can heal all our past wounds, and make us whole again. Unfortunately, this divine healing and forever love rarely ever lasts. After the initial in love stage ends the power struggle begins. This is a stage of the relationship most couples are ill prepared to handle. You see very few of us make a conscious choice when we choose a partner. We most always choose the person who deeply stirs in us the emotions that come from our earliest beginnings in our childhood. This is why when our beloved fails to love us in the way we need the injury comes as a staggering blow to our emotions.  

I think the crux of any good relationship is to know yourself. Who is entering into this relationship, and I am not talking about the other person I am talking about you.  Falling in love is definitely part of the mating game the passion and fixation on another person can be sublime but, it is not enough to sustain a lasting relationship it takes much more.

What do you as a person intrinsically require from your partner?  Do you possess enough self-knowledge and understanding to actually know? Do you require a partner to be a friend first and a lover second?  If you are already in a partnership; are you good friends can you two communicate? Does your partner share your interests? Are the two of you honestly fulfilled being together? Do you trust one another? Does that heartfelt emotion of true love even enter into your relationship? What I mean is, are you able to put your partner first and consider their feelings above your own? Do you really love the person you are with? Does that person really love you?  Do you actually understand what true love is? Are you able to let go when you need to, and love without conditions for a time?

We so often become involved and partner with someone only later asking ourselves what was the attraction? Why am I with you? When you know and understand yourself these are questions you can avoid ever having to ask yourself. Why? Simply because when you know who you are you will have a clearer picture of the mate you require and make a better choice.

To choose the right partner you must first know who you are, what I am clearly saying is if you have past trauma and deep childhood wounds address them and do your best to heal them. Find out who you truly are and what you need in partnership before you form a serious design on anyone. You can never expect another person to save you from yourself or fix your life. When you choose the right partner love has a chance to flourish and sustain two people through almost anything. When love is deficient in partnership there is little or no emotional bond to keep a couple together during the difficult times. Partnership in society today is difficult enough to hold together, our values have been compromised by consumerism and too much media.  So what I am saying blatantly is to partner for the right reasons in the beginning. Real Love is the one thing in a difficult world that can actually sustain your partnership, get you through life’s difficulties and actually see you both to a new level of true intimacy. Love grows it changes, matures and evolves; love has the power to lead us into a new intensity a new closeness with that one special person we have chosen as a partner.  

Love is the most powerful force in our Universe, it has an incredible healing energy, and all love begins with self-love. If you cannot love and respect yourself forming a lasting partnership with anyone will prove itself as a challenging endeavour. If you are in a partnership you believe to be in trouble please seek help. Many partnerships could have been helped and families saved with earlier intervention. Love it truly is the only answer where there is love there is hope, and where there is hope the possibilities are endless.  

God Bless You.

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